This journal writes the things which every reader is satisfied with

project_mop @ 2008-12-07T17:13:00

2008-12-07T17:52:43Z

For various reasons I've kind of lost track of livejournal recently, and was quite pleased to get back to it the other day and find that people are still posting. Too much staying in touch on the internet has turned into facebook pokes and setting my mood on myspace, which basically appears to be communicate nothing more than 'I'm not dead, or at least if I am dead somebody is still making an incredibly half-assed effort to impersonate me for some reason - maybe a facebook poke is all that is required to keep the dole money coming through'. Actually, that would be quite a detailed communication, and is almost certainly more than actually goes through anybody's mind whilst they are using facebook. Anyway, everything's just dandy up here, so I won't bother boring you with the details.

Anyway, as I was lying in bed this morning, trying to properly wake up in the absence of a decent radio alarm, I desperately hit go on the TV remote, only to be confronted by Countryfile. I've never been a fan, even when awake. Something about John Craven's voice instantly sets me on edge - I don't know if it's the memory of listening to boring boring news when I just wanted Blue Peter to start, or the fact that I generally couldn't give a flying shite about badger culls and their effect on farmers, or indeed about anything involving greenery and sub-8mb broadband connections. It's not that it's not important (well, actually I'm not convinced that bio-bloody-diversity and everyone putting a bloody bird-table in the garden and then complaining when they get squirrels *is* important, but meh), it's just that it doesn't interest me much.

So anyway, there I am lying in bed, half asleep, half-awake, trying to figure out why countryfile is on, and how come I can't seem to remember how to work the channel changer, when this guy starts talking about the surprising membership of his organization, containing (as it apparently does) not only doctors, lawyers and accountants, but even until recently a couple of vicars. I was instantly a little irritated - people always express such surprise at fundamentally unsurprising things - it's one of the things I hate most about the "regional programming extended to a national audience" bullshit that you get before the Eastenders omnibus. But this, I thought was reaching a new low - I mean vicars are pretty much the first profession you would expect to find in a swingers organization - organized religion in general, and the Church of England in particular has always been the absolute bedrock of mild sexual deviancy. And then something occured to me. Wasn't it a little unusual that Countryfile should be addressing the issue of Swingers' groups. I mean I assume they exist in the countryside - hell, if you don't like complaining about feeding fucking squirrels there must be absolutely fuck-all else to do, but the social realism on such programmes is generally quite light-weight, and definately doesn't like to stray into areas which would make Mrs. Rowbotham of Esher drop the morning tea-tray.

By now I was almost awake. We had entered, I thought, a new age in broadcasting history, a glorious future where even before early evening real, ~~salacious~~ interesting and relevant issues were covered in slightly-prurient detail by John Craven. Here was history, and all I had to do was get up at a time when the clock read AM to join it. Imagine my disappointment therefore when I caught the next line. Absolutely anybody, I was told, could do caving. In an instant my surprise levels dropped back down below zero. I mean I'd never really thought about it (and try not to, since I get claustrophobic in cathedrals), but it's pretty obvious that profession is no bar to caving - you could probably do it in your bloody dog-collar if you wanted. And whilst the same is certainly true of swinging, it has to be said that discussing caving on Countryfile is a far smaller step towards interesting and relevant television than I had originally assumed. So get back to agricultural updates Mr Craven, and stop trying. For my part, I'll be getting back to channel 5 where they're about to repeat America's Funniest Nude Car Crashes.

(this article originally appeared in Touching Cloth - Lifestyles For the Modern Clergyman's Wife and is reproduced with kind permission)

Too Close to Call

2008-05-21T16:29:51Z

qmwztlxb1

what is this?

TWiT Twitter Derby: Who'll be most followed by midnight May 25th?

% chance over time

Â Â Â Â Kevin Rose

Â Â Â Â Leo Laporte

Â Â Â Â Jason Calacanis

Â Â Â Â Robert Scoble

Â Â Â Â John C Dvorak

Â Â Â Â Wil Harris

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Hubdub - The News Prediction Game

Rubbish predictions ahoy

2008-05-16T14:15:30Z

what is this? My Prediction

Who will win the 2008 UEFA Champions League?

I predicted Chelsea FC win
Today

More predictions by me: chris

Can you get it right? Make your prediction...

Hubdub - The news prediction game

project_mop @ 2007-02-03T14:53:00

2007-02-03T14:54:00Z

I can't even remember what I was doing now *sulk*

project_mop @ 2007-02-03T14:45:00

2007-02-03T14:50:59Z

Okay, so we all know that opera is an insanely bad browser, only used by history's most glowing pricks, who value claims of standards compliance over actual standards compliance, and bright red letter Os over usability. In short, opera and its pathetic users are a verminous pile of human trash whose very existence blights the planet, and it is only their laughably small numbers that stops them from being a global, well, inconvenience - even George Bush wouldn't be able to assess people with such limited access to technology as a threat.

But does it have to steal my internet icon every fucking time it runs? I'm using that to launch a proper browser. You know - one that renders web pages right and whose user interface isn't about as much use as a fork in a soup-eating contest.

project_mop @ 2006-10-16T12:41:00

2006-10-16T12:43:16Z

I need cool websites. Give me links. I demand to be amused...

project_mop @ 2006-09-30T18:08:00

2006-09-30T17:14:16Z

I also watched Children of Men (click for review) yesterday. I can't summarize what I think of this film here, so read the bloody review. There's a review of Clerks there as well, but it's not one of my best - actually its so half-assed I can't even bring myself to link to it.

I'm also recommending Ben Riach Curiositas 10 Year Old Peated Speyside Single Malt, although god knows why, since nobody gave me any money to do so.

project_mop @ 2006-09-25T18:53:00

2006-09-25T17:57:10Z

I'll review anything me, Last night's Motion City Soundtrack gig was excellent, so I reviewed the trip there here.

project_mop @ 2006-09-20T23:56:00

2006-09-20T22:56:50Z

I am amused that my review of An Inconvenient Truth is, much like the film itself, utterly ignored.

project_mop @ 2006-09-20T19:45:00

2006-09-20T18:48:45Z

I've been launching more random unwarranted attacks on expensive feature films at notak.co.uk

project_mop @ 2006-08-20T14:14:00

2006-08-20T13:16:44Z

Amazing. Just watching the Friday Night Armistice from 1996 - it's actually funnier now, and barely less topical. Well, okay the bus of Dianas would be in slightly poor taste now, but Mr Tony Blair, the humpty dumpty fluffy idiot still works.

project_mop @ 2006-08-08T17:25:00

2006-08-08T16:28:27Z

I don't care if I'm sad, this is very cool indeed:

Doctor Who: Complete Series 2 - Limited Edition cyberman head box set

project_mop @ 2006-07-23T16:01:00

2006-07-23T15:17:18Z

I have just finished reading the Geographer's Library. I was, I'm afraid, rather a disappointment. I mean it wasn't awful awful, it was more just dying alone in front of Eastenders awful. Even if you read it at speed you won't get much change from around 4 hours, and in the immortal words of Alan Bennett "I could have been in Leeds in that time". Hell, I could have been watching my DVD of Alan Bennett and other assorted comedy in that time. Actually I couldn't cos I read most of it on the way to Budapest. I'm talking drivel aren't I? Oh well, there isn't a Booker prize for LiveJournals anyway.

project_mop @ 2006-06-13T13:40:00

2006-06-13T12:43:35Z

The unused desktop shortcut nanny won't let me play with computer until I clean up the desktop. Unfortunately she is clearly senile and wants to throw away a pile of icons that I use on a daily basis. Is there any way I can get the old witch to shut the fuck up?

project_mop @ 2006-06-12T15:16:00

2006-06-12T14:22:05Z

Time for an update. Shame I haven't done anything worth talking about then.

Off to Serbia in a couple of weeks to travel on Night Trains, which are of course the lowest form of train, and are possibly actually less classy than the park-bench alcopop of the same name. Also going to the Alex-is-booking-it-so-I-don't-need-to-remember-the-name Festival. Expedia got nice cheap flights on Czech Airlines Wish me luck.

project_mop @ 2006-06-07T17:02:00

2006-06-07T16:04:45Z

Went :to see Omen 666 yesterday. Errm, what to say? See the link...

project_mop @ 2006-06-05T15:00:00

2006-06-05T14:09:21Z

Just realised I haven't even read LJ for days, in spite of the fact that I was bored stupid and hitting refresh on myspazz non-stop for half an hour yesterday. Ah well. Week was fucking genius - totally wasted all of it drinking and stuff. Friday/Satday was a bit of a comedown, basically because I don't like strangers, exes or expensive drinks, but then sunday was mint. That's the summary.

Went to see Wah-Wah with Jules yesterday, which I enjoyed (click for unusually spoiler-free review) (of the film, not Jules) (hmm, that's an idea - I could review my friends) (or is that actually a really bad plan). I've also been moaning about Radio One's excreable Newsbeat if anybody is interested.

project_mop @ 2006-05-26T12:49:00

2006-05-26T11:52:07Z

I also went to see Brick, which was a far better film than X-Men 3.

project_mop @ 2006-05-25T19:20:00

2006-05-25T18:24:18Z

X Men 3. You read it here first. Actually you probably read it Metro first. I don't care.

project_mop @ 2006-05-24T13:44:00

2006-05-24T12:47:31Z

Finally got round to writing about One Big Weekend (warning: contains repeated references to lightweight indie pish).

project_mop @ 2006-05-23T21:04:00

2006-05-23T20:07:08Z

Let's have another go with a link that actually bloody works...

project_mop @ 2006-05-23T17:24:00

2006-05-23T16:29:54Z

Confetti for those that will.

I have been watching TV. TV was shit apart from that fucking princess wanting the bottled water on Big Brother - I literally laughed til I cried. And Doctor Who.

project_mop @ 2006-05-19T22:21:00

2006-05-19T21:24:53Z

So today I watched the DaVinci code:

Not here to minimise instances of the words fucking and crap in your friends page

So that's a couple more hours I ain't getting back. Errm, otherwise I ain't done shite. Last night was a good night out. I'm getting into the swing of this whole not-drinking thing. I might even go for another week of it. Mind you, I could murder a bloody pint.

project_mop @ 2006-02-23T13:20:00

2006-02-23T13:21:27Z

Mushy peas are just deviant, whatever european capital you eat them in. you know who you are.

project_mop @ 2006-02-23T10:21:00

2006-02-23T10:23:45Z

I thought opera users were supposed to be ultra-dignified techno bore scandinavians who were better than us mere mortals. In which case I think maybe I should report the opera user who just managed to get to my site by searching for "kebabs in katowice" to the smugly-designed-but-totally-unused browser police.